Meet Tony Williams and Debbie Dowsett, the middle-aged couple who claim that their numerous affairs and persistent bed-hopping keeps their relationship strong. The pair from Hainault, London, have been together for almost 18 years after meeting at a resident’s meeting, but that doesn’t stop them from sleeping with other people on a regular basis.
Tony, 59, a retired head of security and Debbie, 43, a hairdresser and beautician, are both openly signed up to numerous extramarital affair dating sites and, despite sharing a home and a bed, they both frequently sleep with other people.
And now the pair have laid bare the true extent of their unconventional arrangement, revealing that they have slept with 30 people between them in the past four years alone. According to the couple, Debbie currently has four other ‘boyfriends’ while Tony has two mistresses, and the pair regularly enjoy one night stands.
Tony told the Mirror: ‘We’re like any other normal, committed couple – the only difference is that we don’t think it’s natural to be monogamous. ‘Our relationship is more passionate than ever. We make love five times a week and we’re always kissing and cuddling. How many other couples can say that?’ He added: ‘The reason it works so well is because we have affairs. People have made nasty comments to us and I’ve been told we’re disgusting but humans aren’t built to be faithful.
‘The people who criticize us are usually unhappy in their own relationships. In the time I’ve been with Debbie, I’ve seen so many of my friends go through multiple break-ups. ‘I can’t help but think an open relationship could have been the answer to their problems.’
Debbie joined the website Illicit Encounters and Tony signed up to a separate site in 2011, after they decided to give an open relationship a go to spice up their own. The couple were completely open with each other from the start, taking each other’s profile pictures and recommending what to say in their information section.
Since then, they have surfed each site together on a daily basis, commenting on the different men or women available. Tony previously told FEMAIL: ‘We go through each other’s websites on the laptop together about once a day because we don’t hide anything. ‘Occasionally Debbie says no to a man and I’ll ask why not, just because I’m curious about what’s alright with A but not B. ‘But we don’t vet.
Debbie is free to choose what she likes and I’m free to choose what I like.’ From that moment on though, the way that they communicate on their individual websites is personal.
In four years, they have both had several successes with the opposite sex. Tony has had romances that lasted several months, others have been one night stands and a few have amounted to nothing at all. He said: ‘It all boils down to chemistry when you meet.
Things have gone further with five or six people for me over the years. ‘It’s fairly regular, maybe once a month that you go and meet someone, or every two weeks maybe.’ Debbie has had a similar success rate with the men she has met, although she has continued to have a relationship with around six of them for roughly the last two years. She said: ‘There’s about five or six that I see on a permanent basis and one that I see every ten days or so.
‘The others I see when they can get off work, so about every couple of weeks and one of them about every four weeks. ‘They’ve all be around for about two years.’ The couple have certain ground rules in place, like contacting the other if they are going to go home with a person for the first time, but they don’t tend to discuss the more intimate areas of each meet-up.
Tony said: ‘I don’t need to know what’s going on – Debbie doesn’t ask me the intimate details and I don’t ask her the intimate details. ‘But if she’s going to meet someone or I am, the other one always knows who or where and if a first date turns into an “I’m going home with them,” we always text the other person to let them know – it’s a safety factor.’ It isn’t just a safety factor though, the strict rules about openness are also in place so that the trust between them never breaks down. Tony said: ‘There’s one absolute golden rule – no cheating.
‘I had a wife that cheated on me and in my opinion, what breaks up the relationship isn’t that you cheated but that you lied to me. I can’t trust you then. ‘But at the end of the day, sex is sex. If you’re not lying to me and hiding things behind my back then you’re not breaking down the essential part of being a couple, which is the trust between you.’
Tony and Debbie are so unfazed about the fact that each other are having intimate relationships with other members of the opposite sex, that they aren’t even bothered if one brings a date home to use their marital bed if the other is away from home.
Tony said: ‘If Debbie’s not at home then the woman I’m with can come back to the house, or most of the time that Debbie is there, we go back to the woman’s house, or we book into a hotel. ‘We’re both happy with that.
The same applies to Debbie as well, if she knows I’m not at home. ‘And we only have one bedroom, so we’d use that. ‘The way we both see it is, if you’re in this particular lifestyle then there isn’t that same sanctity about the bedroom and the bed that A and B have when they’re married to each other and don’t sleep with anyone else.
‘That removes the need to worry about, “who was in my bed last night?” Or, “whose bed was he in last night if he didn’t come home?”’ The couple are also open to the other one bringing a date home if they are interested in having sex with both of them.
‘Occasionally things develop into threesomes, so if that’s where you seem to be heading with your internet talk, then obviously the fact that the other one is at home doesn’t make any difference.
‘That has happened to both of us when we’ve been on dates. ‘There’s a lot more people into threesomes, foursomes or wife-swapping than you might think. We’re open to threesomes or foursomes. But although Debbie and Tony clearly sleep with the women and men that they are dating, it is in no way just about sex. They share common interests and hobbies with the people they meet up with and their dates often revolve around these. Debbie said: ‘I go for men with the same interests as me.
‘The difference between me and Tony is I like going to museums and things, whereas if Tony’s been and seen them once, he doesn’t like going back and seeing them again. ‘I’m one of these people who goes back a lot – I go to the science museum as often as I can get up there. ‘The man who I see every ten days, he works in central London, so we go out there and go to the V&A museum and things like that, more cultural things.’
Tony meanwhile, is attracted to women who enjoy watching sport and who like the countryside, but also trips to the local cinema. He said: ‘One woman who used to meet once every fortnight – we went out to things like the cinema, theatre and for meals. ‘It was convenient because in that instance, her husband went away for a week every other week on business, so she had that time to do other things. ‘Her husband didn’t know as far as I was aware.’ He continued: ‘I find that I look for someone with interests that Debbie doesn’t have, like certain sports, because Debbie and I only have one sport in common – rugby union. ‘She also isn’t interested in wandering in the countryside just because it’s there, whereas I’m quite happy to drive to the middle of the countryside and just walk for miles. ‘I also go for women with a smaller dress size to Debbie, I mean she’s not fat, don’t get me wrong, she’s a size 16. – Dailymail